The Assasination of Jesse James

IS SO LONG.

Star Trek, compact review

I MISS BATTLESTAR GALACTICA I MISS BATTLESTAR GALACTICA I MISS BATTLESTAR GALACTICA I MISS BATTLESTAR GALACTICA I MISS BATTLESTAR GALACTICA I MISS BATTLESTAR GALACTICA I MISS BATTLESTAR GALACTICA I MISS BATTLESTAR GALACTICA I MISS BATTLESTAR GALACTICA I MISS BATTLESTAR GALACTICA I MISS BATTLESTAR GALACTICA I MISS BATTLESTAR GALACTICA I MISS BATTLESTAR GALACTICA I MISS BATTLESTAR GALACTICA I MISS BATTLESTAR GALACTICA I MISS BATTLESTAR GALACTICA I MISS BATTLESTAR GALACTICA I MISS BATTLESTAR GALACTICA I MISS BATTLESTAR GALACTICA I MISS BATTLESTAR GALACTICA I MISS BATTLESTAR GALACTICA I MISS BATTLESTAR GALACTICA I MISS BATTLESTAR GALACTICA I MISS BATTLESTAR GALACTICA I MISS BATTLESTAR GALACTICA I MISS BATTLESTAR GALACTICA I MISS BATTLESTAR GALACTICA.
Nostalgic one liners aside, that was a very silly film. Trying too hard to be Star Wars and Battlestar, but with Leonard Nimoy hissing through his dentures. Ew.
Marcus and Nicola will update something serious I’m sure. This was also posted on the Back to the Feature blog…don’t worry, I’m not stealing.

“it’s like watching a baby drown”

Compact Review: I hate myself for how much I enjoyed The Boat That Rocked. It was really inane, and the last twenty minutes were unnecessary. Neither Bill Nighy nor Rhys Iffans had enough to do or say. It probably doesn’t help that I hate Richard Curtis for all his heteronormative conservative chocolate box filmmaking and utter lack of meaning. 
Why go see it then? Why part with yet another £2.50 for a student offer? Well. Offers, for one. Then: Jack Davenport is sexy; Rhys Iffans is sexy; Chris O’Dowd is sexy; Philip Seymour Hoffman is possibly the coolest thing ever and therefore also sexy and the soundtrack was pretty damn good. So, yes. I’m buying into star franchise to enjoy the pretty people and the good music and I’d rather pay £2.50 for that than to look at Clive Owen trying to act like a spy. I do resent that the film finishes not only with Curtis’ usual disgusting hope and enthusiasm but that also as you’re leaving they sneak in some Bowie so that jaded as you may be by the ridiculousness of a million ships of different engines, sizes and means of propulsion arriving at one time (Southampton is a boaty place, so people complain when ships aren’t shown right), you’re still left with the feeling of cooooooooool.

On the other hand; realised some good things about Duplicity. Two people from The Wire AND Black Cylon (who had more lines than usual!) were in it. Win.

Duplicity.

Student film offers really are a bad idea. They lead you to thinking “Ohh for £3.50 I wouldn’t mind seeing Street Kings, or National Treasure 2“, and that’s how I ended up paying £2.60 (or rather owing a friend) to sit through Duplicity…as well as seeing both of the other two.

Duplicity seems to be going for some kind of Ocean’s Eleven cool; except where Ocean’s uses a range of effects that embellish the plot Duplicity has two. The opening credits take place over a slow motion fight between Tom Wilkinson and Paul Giamatti that just_keeps_going. The fight doesn’t really do anything except pad out the credits and try and make some kind of stylish impression. The other gimmick that the film uses is an almost constant picture to picture transition. The four screens that gradually synch and move on to the next scene don’t do anything; at best they could be representing the fragmented life of the spies blahblahblah. If this were an occasional thing, then it probably wouldn’t be quite so annoying but it seemed as though every three or four scenes this transition would come up.

Formal elements aside I’m going to keep complaining. My other issue with the film, besides the way it looked, the way it was written, the fact that I got shouted out for talking during the adverts was the way that it framed Julia Roberts. Really, what’s so wrong with aging? It seems as though she’s constantly being shot to hide the fact that she might occasionally eat, and have could possibly have stopped being in her 20s. Yes, it’s great that she’s an older actress in an industry dominated by twenty-somethings but why is there the need to put her in tiny skirts or skin tight wrap dresses that make her stand in weird ways and look uncomfortable. Whether is was her idea or the filmmakers’, the soft focus and darkness that surrounds her just emphasises that Julia Roberts is an older woman and I don’t see why she couldn’t have been shot maturely and flatteringly instead of forcing her into these unsuitable outfits and angles.

Overall it was quite a funny experience, if only because of how seriously the audience seemed to be taking it and the faces that the person next to me pulled in response to the kissing that was shot farrrrr too close up. Still, that £2.60 could have been better spent…on…cheese? nom

Zombie Strippers!

Zombie Strippers! Quantified

SO this was a film essentially about strippers, seeing as being a zombie was no hinderance to their great work. As they fell victim to the “chemo virus” they carried on stripping, rather than acting in typical zombie fashion, and while the cast is technically primarily women, it was more primarily boobies. Observe:

Cleavage Shots: 14

Nipples shown: 8 (including 2 pierced)

Zombie nipples shown: 6

Fannys: 2 (including one zombie fanny which was used to shoot snooker balls)

Zombie Lesbian Kisses: 1

You know, I was unaware that when women become zombies their primal urge is to strip and tear each others’ clothes off. Apparently women are willing to become zombies to gain male attention also. But men who become zombies just want to eat the women really. Cutting edge irony or an excuse for soft porn? That is the question.

Hannah

Ps. @Dan North, yes. There really is an ! in this title too.

RESULTS

So it turns out we don’t have Sky1 and therefore there can be no live feed of the Oscars. TINA results are in however. Check the post below to find out who we’ve bestowed these new yet prestigious awards on.

Oscars commentary tomorrow, as well as updates on Zombie Strippers and 4 Months, 3 Weeks, 2 Days, Benjamin Button.

Possibly also battlestar.

TINAS

And the nominations are:

Best Performance (gender neutral):

Kate Winslet, Revolutionary Road WIN

Angelina Jolie, Changeling

Jefferey Donovan, Changeling

Peter O’Toole, Dean Spanley

Best Male Director

Clint Eastwood, Changeling WIN

Ari Folman, Waltz with Bashir

Sam Mendes, Revolutionary Road

Best Female Director

Catherine Hardwick, Twilight

Phyllida Lloyd, Mama Mia

BECAUSE THESE WERE THE ONLY TWO FEMALE DIRECTED FILMS WE GOT TO SEE.

PLUS

Kathryn Bieglow, The Hurt Locker WIN

Prettiest Ensemble Cast

D.J Caruso, Eagle Eye WIN

Gabriele Muccino, Seven Pounds

Stephen Daldry, The Reader

Best Film (world-wide, animation and live action)

Ari Folman, Waltz with Bashir WIN

Sam Mendes, Revolutionary Road

Clint Eastwood, Changeling

Least Enlightened Film

Jay Lee, Zombie Strippers WIN

Phyllida Lloyd, Mama Mia

Frank Miller, The Spirit

Biggest Massive Sell-out/ Cash-in

Dave Filoni, Clone Wars

Peyton Reed, Yes Man WIN

Christopher Nolan, The Dark Knight

Guilty Pleasure Award

Kenny Ortega, High School Musical 3

Ben Stiller, Tropic Thunder

Jason Murphy, Zombies! Zombies! Zombies! WIN

NB: Additions are liable to made as we get round to watching things before the awards.

WIN

TINA nominations will be updated as soon as the BAFTAs finishes. In the mean time TERRY GILLIAM IS LOVE. end.

Will Smith is a big capitalist shill.

Okay. That’s a bit harsh, but as part of the research I did for my exams I was looking at the semiotics of stars and attempting to analyse the underlying social implications of the types or roles they take. Exams are now over (win!) and seeing as I didn’t use my Will Smith diatribe, I thought I’d post it here.

Let’s start then with the rather seminal piece of film making that kicked off my suspicions, I, Robot. The constant references to the “vintage” converse and various household appliances have led to the film being placed as the worst instance of product placement on The Shiznit. I, Robot isn’t the only Smith film to feature product placement, and it’s not as though he’s the only person who ever appears in films with placement in, there’s just a rather large amount quite often. Men in Black 2 is also a culprit for placement, although this time it’s a little more subtle. The video below shows what I mean:

Whilst watching Hancock we also kept a tally of the placement that we could find and discovered five instances; Mc Donalds, Rayban, Youtube, Jack Bourbon and Jiffy Pop. It’s not quite as bad as tiny aliens dragging crates of Jack Daniels and youtube could viably be used as a plot device, but still.

The other thing in I, Robot is the  is the use of colour. Red vs blue is the usual good/evil colour display as used in Star Wars and Tron. Red in I, Robot represents the evil robots when they turn against their human masters. Red is also, as it happens, the typical colour of Communism. Hm. So, the robots go ‘red’ and revolt. The working machines created en masse to serve people begin to think collectively and rise up, killing and threatening old women and Mr Vintage Converse 2004 has to save the world from them.

This Will Smith saving the day thing is a pretty typical feature in his films, as is the idea of him being an underdog or some kind of mundane type. In Men in Black, Bad Boys (1 and 2) and I, Robot he’s a policman showing that minor authority figures can really make a difference. In films such as Hancock and Seven Pounds he plays reformers, showing the inherent goodness of humanity and the ability to change, as also echoed in The Pursuit of Happyness. The Fresh Prince of Bel Air shows him being brought out of the dangerous world of Philedelphia and getting a good education to become a valued member of society. Wild Wild West puts him right in the centre of the great American symbol, despite the lack of black cowboys who would have been present at the time. He saves the day once again from the clutches of evil technology…albeit this time in the form of a giant steampunk spider. Is there something in the fact that it’s filled with a tiny English disabled man? A tiny man who plays Shakespeare A LOT. Or is that just my dislike of Kenneth Branagh? Hitch sees him uniting couples whilst teaching them to be smoooooothe. In each of these films Will Smith’s character saves the day, whether he’s fighting aliens (Men in Black, Inedependence Day), saving lives (Seven Pounds, Hancock) or just being an all round good guy and helping society continue and evolve.

The other, unignorable thing about Will Smith and his casting is race. Will Smith’s roles often make a lot of his ‘blackness’. Hitch uses the stereotype of smooth black men and almost every action movie role uses a variation on the phrase “oh you didn’t…” or “oh hell no”. The Fresh Prince uses the idea of the hood kid civilised if a bit cheeky. On the whole it seems that Will Smith represents a ’safe’, educated and ‘all American’ image that isn’t really found so much in white actors. There’s a really small amount of diversity in the roles Smith plays, with Enemy of the State being the only one of his films in which America isn’t shown as a land of oppurtunity. Still, in the film it’s only a rogue part of the government who are acting out of character and in the end democracy wins out and the people take out the problematic parts of government.

The racial elements of my anaylsis aren’t intended as a criticism, after all white actors wouldn’t be criticised for their lack of films dealing with ‘white issues’. There is, however, a definite trend in these films and Smith’s roles. He seems to be really invested in the American ideas of self betterment and the American dream of self sufficiency. In an interview with ITV’s 35mm programme, Smith himself acknowledged that the roles he takes have a consistant sense of possibility and that anyone can rescue themselves from anything so long as they have the right sense of drive. It seems to me that Will Smith’s choice in roles has been very shrewd. By tapping into this American dream market he opens himself to a very marketable area (both to producers and consumers) and is not limited to an exceptionally small range of roles.

In other news: COUNT DOWN TO THE TINAS BEGINS. NOMINATIONS TOMORROW.

zombies, zombies, zombies

“It’s reassuring to know that when the Earth is being terrorized by blood-thirsty, mutant zombies that our only hope lies with a small band of exotic dancers. That’s the premise of the tongue-in-cheek horror comedy, ZOMBIES! ZOMBIES! ZOMBIES!, a film in which even strippers, pimps, and hookers get their chance to shine as heroes.” That’s how they market this film to you. So at least you know that it’s going to be awful before you start watching.

It’s shot kind of like it might turn into porn at any minute- and right now there’s a guy getting a lap dance. It’s clearly a film made by film students and at times it’s quite well written. The best character is this horrible pimp who has such lines as: “baby, don’t be mad because my baby’s having my baby”- a baby that he insists on calling Shaft- “biiiitch i’m gonna cut your titties off” and is insistent on pimping people even though they’re pregnant. Finally, “i’m tired of these motherfucking zombies in this motherfucking strip club”… because ALL BLACK PEOPLE ARE SAMUEL L JACKSON.

also, all women are whores. despite the big debate that some strippers and prostitutes have about who’s job is better…and, even if you’re not a literal whore your body is the most important thing: “i’m a bitch!” “yeah…but you’re a HOT bitch”. In the end it’s not even the women who save the day, despite what the blurb seems to imply. The men are sacrificial and the occasionally hit someone with a shotgun.

(H) Noone was hot enough to warrant mention. especially not the zombie with a shoe in his head.

Overall it was quite fun though. Worth a watch for gore factor and the occasional entertaining line. Just don’t expect gender or racial stereotypes to be anything other than magnified.